I didn’t have television growing up. Don’t get me wrong, my family owned a TV and a VCR. We just didn’t have cable or satellite – you now, live TV. I didn’t see my first episode of “Friends” until I was in my twenties and the show had been over for nearly a decade. So, as you can imagine, I wasn’t able to successfully participate in a lot of common talking points growing up. I didn’t know who the newest teenage heartthrob was, I’ve never seen an episode of “American Idol,” and the only new shows and bands I was aware of were the ones my older sister would introduce me to. Needless to say, I’ve heard “How do you not know who so-and-so is!?” too many times to count.
As an adult, I’m used to being out of the loop. “But Van,” you may say, “between streaming platforms and social media, it’s nearly impossible to miss anything these days!” I would argue it is even harder to stay in the loop. When media relied on a TV timeslot, monthly magazine page, or a segment in a daily newspaper, editors had to make sure the most important, relevant, or profitable segment was selected (even if that meant “Beavis and Butt-Head”). Now that pretty much everything is available online, there’s little to no limit on the amount of crap that gets thrown at the proverbial wall. For every thought-provoking article published, there are dozens of fluff, smear, or buzzword articles published for the sake of a company jumping onto the latest bandwagon in order to benefit their search engine optimization (SEO). Not to mention for every single A-list celebrity, there are a hundred new YouTubers, Twitch streamers, Tik-Tockers (Tokers?), and social media influencers whose overnight fame will fizzle just as quickly as it aflamed. Tell me again how much easier it is to stay in the loop these days?
Sometimes there’s a reason we’re out of touch
There are, however, extenuating circumstances outside of simply struggling to digest an overwhelming amount of information that not all of us will be able to relate to. I really have no idea what happened between 2010-2013 because I was suffering from an undiagnosed chronic illness at the time and was practically living in hospitals. My partner, B, can relate to this as he’s had a terminal illness since he was 15-years-old, and not only is he unaware of what is going on in popular media, he doesn’t really care as he has more important things to be concerned with (like not dying). We all live in a world of our own with our own priorities. To each of us, the things we like are the only things worth liking and it’s practically impossible to imagine someone else not liking them. For example, I can’t name a single Rhianna song but I know every “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” song (yes, I’m one of “those” people).
How could you have never heard about this obscure person in a totally niche subject?
So why are so many of us still assholes (myself included), regardless of how obscure or particular our interests may lean? Recently, I caught myself being one of these assholes.
I’m kind of a Karl Groves fan-person. I was discussing accessibility with a colleague recently and asked if they saw what Karl had Tweeted about overlays. “Who’s Karl?” they asked. “You know,” I insisted, “Karl. Karl Groves.” “Yeah, I don’t know how that is.” “How do you NOT know who Karl Groves is!?” Almost immediately, my childhood flashed through my mind and I felt like a complete dick. I’d become one of the people who have annoyed me for the last 30 years.
It really made me think, and wonder if there were other times I hadn’t caught myself. Have there been other instances of possibly making someone feel bad for not knowing about something or someone?
In particular, it made me realize my youthful fire and brimstone approach to accessibility advocacy was probably turning more people off rather than garnering support. “How dare you not be accessible!” I used to cry, “Don’t you know you’re deliberately excluding people from your website, you monster!? You’ve got to be stupid to think people can read white text on yellow!” Well, maybe I was never quite that abrasive; but in retrospect, I may as well have been.
Pop-culture references aren’t the only problem
Making someone feel bad about not knowing something is not a good way to help them become interested in something you are or garner support – in fact, it generally has the opposite effect. In my opinion, this is especially relevant regarding the LGBTQ+ community and their interests. I’m a member of the LGBTQ+ community and in reality, the people are wonderful and supportive and grounded. However, in my experience, there is a distinct difference between my LGBTQ+ “in real life” friends and many online community members.
If you walked up to me or one of my friends (or pretty much any LGBTQ+ person I’ve ever met in-person) on the street and asked something like, “What does it mean to be asexual?” we would be more than happy to compassionately educate you over a cup of coffee on us. However, I have witnessed people get absolutely crucified online simply for asking questions in a curious and respectful manner. And I don’t understand that — shouldn’t we welcome thoughtful inquiry? Instead, similar questions can be met with berating responses, criticizing the person for being ignorant or angry they missed the “This week’s new pronouns” newsletter.
You know what those question-askers probably think now? “Wow, everyone in the LGBTQ+ community is exactly what negative stereotypes convey them as: overly-sensitive entitled snowflakes.” And boy howdy, is that just not true – I know some lesbians that could out-roast Tony Hinchcliffe.
Is common knowledge really all that common?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with not knowing something. And there is nothing wrong with asking questions when you don’t know something (personally, I think it’s a practice that should be encouraged). The term “common knowledge” is subjective and shouldn’t be used as an excuse to criticize another’s lack of familiarity with a subject. Growing up and living in the country, I feel like maneuvering a cattle drive is common knowledge; however, I have absolutely no idea how to hail a cab (or order a Lyft). Does that make me stupid, or does it simply mean it’s out of my realm of personal experience?
Why be an asshole when you can be a teacher
Not a single person on this earth knows everything. And the people who think they do often know the least because they’re not open to actively learning something new – after all, if you already know everything, is there a point in trying to learn anything else?
If you realize you’re knowledgeable of something someone else isn’t, don’t use it to make yourself feel superior but as an opportunity to be a teacher. Their reason for not knowing could be one of an infinite amount of reasons. Maybe they don’t have social media, maybe they have been dealing with issues that have kept them from becoming invested in anything beyond their bubble, or maybe they simply missed that episode of whatever show you’re talking about.
Being a superior asshole not only hurts that person but also has a negative impact on curiosity and the idea of asking questions as a whole. Soon we’ll have an entire generation of ignorant people who no longer ask questions out of fear of being ridiculed for not knowing the answer (even if it’s over something meaningless like a dance craze or top-40 song). And I doubt that will benefit society.
It’s so important we be mindful of others who ask questions, regardless of how “common knowledge” you think the answer may be. After all, they likely know something you don’t and could easily turn the tables on you. Let’s all just try a bit harder not to turn teachable moments into potential supervillain backstories.