The word “ableism” is being thrown around a lot these days, but I don’t think people have a firm grasp on what it means (at the very least, many think of it in the same category as “woke”). So what does “ableism” mean?
Ableism: discrimination or prejudice against individuals with disabilities
Mirriam-Webster
At its core, ableism is a form of discrimination. However, it’s also the lack of awareness that what you might think is a good life choice or path may not be a choice for everyone.
I notice this more often than not in those who tend to lean toward more conservative, traditional values. This is not a witch-hunt, there are plenty of left-leaning folks out there who aren’t even aware of their own ableism because they have their heads shoved so far up their own self-righteous asses they couldn’t even comprehend that something they’re doing is discriminatory towards a group of people. And we all do that from time to time.
In the interest of creating a more equal and equitable world, it means being accepting of more life choices than we once were with the understanding that perfectly capable people will not be complying with the stereotypical end goal of a picket fence, spouse, rugrats, and upper-management job. Some because they choose not to, which is 100% okay, and some because they simply can’t (and, of course, hybrids like myself).
My partner and I have been together for over seven years now (a drop in the bucket compared to some), but we’ll never get married. No, not because we have something against the institution of marriage (God, I wish I could get my hands on some of those tax rebates), but because we can’t and probably will never be able to afford to. Not because either of us has some dream of a lavish wedding, but because he has severe medical issues that will probably kill him sooner rather than later. He’s hospitalized a minimum of 1-2 times a year, requires expensive medications, and needs assistive technology. Since his condition is rare, the government doesn’t see him as a traditional candidate for disability (despite every one of his doctors advocating for him). If we were to get married, our finances would be as crippled as he is due to the state of the American capitalistic healthcare system. And since I have medical issues of my own, I long ago made the choice to not have kids (some of those issues actually prevent me from having kids, anyway).
And yet, every single day I come across a conservative with this judgemental idea of what people should be aiming for because in their own, able mind it’s perfectly obtainable. People like this have never known the fear of passing on shitty genetics and watching their own kids or grandkids suffer through something they had. My family has this joke that we are so glad my favorite grandmother passed away before I started living in hospitals because she would have been wracked with guilt since I inherited my condition from her. The last thing I want is for that joke to become a reality.
Recently, some dude (who I won’t even name) went viral for a Tweet about how Millennials are in for a lonely wake-up call in their 40s after being cavalier about not having kids. It was a truly absurd and ableist take. I don’t want kids, never really have. But I work full-time, take care of the pets, take care of my dying partner, and shoulder every burden of my household. When I’m in my 40s, and, in all likelihood, my partner will have died by then, I will honestly relish being alone. I love my partner, I live and breathe for him and he’s so funny and I enjoy every moment we have together. But to say it’s “hard” sometimes is an understatement. Some may think I’m cruel for saying it out loud, but that’s how it is and I know others in similar positions feel the same way. So for this person to think that just because I’m childless means my 40s are just some desperate attempt at staying “sexy and partying” is a completely ableist take by someone who can’t consider any other conditions in life other than their own. My 40s will be spent shamelessly doing whatever I want to do because right now I can’t because someone I love dearly needs me and I am devoted to being there for them. And not one of those things will be partying.
Another hot topic right now is college, due to student loan forgiveness. Numbers and personal experiences are being thrown around willy-nilly. And again, primarily conservatives are anti-student loan forgiveness because it doesn’t line up with their life experience. “I did it which means anyone can do it” is probably one of the most harmful phrases out there (this take requires a blog post all on its own). I was in college for a bit. Fortunately, I was a talented writer and was able to obtain some scholarships in addition to some money my folks had set aside. However, in my third year of college, my medical stuff hit. I had to drop out and I have never obtained a degree. I am so grateful that I never had to take out a student loan because I would still be paying it off with nothing to show for it. I also scored extremely high on my ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) and in my last year of high school had air force recruiters calling the house nearly every day. But I was already showing symptoms of illness by then – I never would have survived the military to the point they would then pay for my college tuition. I consider myself a capable person, I just got dealt a shitty hand I’ve been working through. And I am SO far from the only one with a story like this except many of those people DO have student loans. I have friends in their 40s still paying off student loans, despite them having decently paying jobs, because the interest rates are absurd.
It’s an endless cycle of demands by [primarily] conservatives that are simply unrealistic. This outdated perspective of success. Go to college, get a job, marry your high-school sweetheart, pop out kids, live happily ever after. Not to mention this cycle is then perpetrated by the benefactors of such ableism who, since they were able to do it, then increase the cost of living to make it even more difficult for those who don’t fit into their box.
In 2022, we’re supposed to be more enlighted. We’re supposed to be past leeching, barber dentists, and the four humors. But as late as the 1970s, people with epilepsy were still committed to insane asylums due to pure ignorance. And we still have so much more of a distance to go in terms of helping people realize that those of us with disabilities who don’t fit into this picturesque lifestyle are still fully capable and have the ability to contribute (one could argue we’re even more willing because we have more to prove). But it’s not going to look the same way as it does for some. Our version of success is different from theirs, but that doesn’t make it any less valid.